Decoding an Indian Wedding

The title says it all. I thought of doing an entire series of blogs. Then I realised what's the point? We guys know way too much about weddings already. The plannings, the rituals, the planning rituals. Especially us North Indians, we don't care who the president of the country is but we all know "phere par to yaar sirf gharwale hee hote hain!"

So to keep it short, this is the only blog page I will continue updating. Oh also, I am getting married within a month. I will whine and rant as well as share insights and experiences (even though nobody takes my advice seriously). When I won't be busy hyperventilating, I will be spreading some weddingy cheer here, my online wedding journal.

#3 Pre-wedding photography: I can't give you money, here is your exposure

The only thing I am thankful for in life is I have so many photographer friends. Nope they are not some punters with a DSLR but real professional photographers with real skill and talent. The thing I don't have is MONEY, to pay for my pre-wedding shoot. Hence, exploit! *evil laughter fills the bathroom*. They have often complained about clients saying things to them like "we cannot give you money but we'll give you exposure". I feel you bros! 

I am still trying to grasp the concept of a pre-wedding photoshoot. Though I have recently come across some really beautiful pre-wedding shoots with a lot of energy and joy yet something doesn't seem right. One of the partners always has that 'why me?' expression. It's like 'yes baby, of course I am having fun' yet *dying of embarrassment inside*. But then again, who am I to judge? Afterall, I am just a snarky cynical social media junkie. 

So while contemplating for my pre-wedding shoot decision, these were the different stages I went through:

Photos taken before wedding 
We have been dating for a few years now, and since we have lived in the same city and hung out with each other a lot, we have a million photos together, some natural, some super-posed and mostly selfies (obviously). So pre-wedding photography?

Confusion
Does it make sense to hire someone to take some cheesy "romantic" completely awkwardly Bollywood fairytale-ish posed photos of the 2 extremely weird people that we both are? Awkward, awkward, awkward.

Is it real? 
Where did the concept of a pre-wedding photo shoot come into being? Like a lot of other "western" nuptial traditions we have quietly adopted and Indianised, is this one of them? 

Let me Google
I tried to look for its origin online but didn't really find any intel on the whys and whats of PWP. There, however, used to be published engagement pictures over a century ago for engagement announcement in local newspapers. So it is a relatively new trend. Okay.

Should I?
If it is a new trend, and will continue for a while, will we as a couple, miss out on something very important if we do not participate? Tell me AM I MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING? TELL ME!

I am still trying to make up my mind, do we want this celebrated pre-wedding candied (is the spelling right?) photo shoot. But are we ready to sell our souls to pay for it? Or we just do this:

Awkward Vearmas are Awkward

#2 Marriage vs Wedding

Couple ya Coup?

"Aap meri marriage par zaroor aana! Apni poori family ke saath aana!"

*stomach begins to churn* *brain starts to burn* *the need to smash my head suddenly rises*

Marriage: (according to Google)
the legally or formally recognized union of two people of the different or same sex as partners in a relationship (though the only accepted communion in our country is of a man and a woman).

Wedding: (Yes, Google said it, don't look at me)

a marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations.

These 2 words often interchangeably used, but nope THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING! ARGHHHH!

Okay. Now the question nobody asks themselves is whether they want to get married or do they just want a wedding. Because often than not nobody seems to see beyond the flower studded car. Correctly represented by the fade to black at the end of Uncle Studio wali shaadi ki CD when the doli departs from the venue. Rest becomes a mediocre, uninteresting, nobody-gives-a-shit-about-until-you-begin-breeding history.

Weddings are all about pretty things, family reunions, more reasons to hang out with friends and a whole experience full of warm, fuzzy and mixed feelings.
Marriage is real. It is up to me and him to either make it kick ass or let it fizzle out just the way we are constantly reminded it does. Wow just the kind of pep talk I need a few weeks prior!

I am also told that there is just one wedding day where I need to look my best. But what about the rest of the thousands of days of my married life? I know I cannot look my best on each day, hell I will look my worst in them too. Trust me, it is okay!

But for some reason I cannot bring myself to buckle down under this pressure. I do not wish to turn my wedding day into a beauty pageant. Did you know that these makeup type bigwigs charge a good 30-40 thousand rupees for a day's makeup. For real! Because they airbrush gold dust on your face and later serve you diamond fritters on a platinum platter to choke on.

Oh wait we do not have any of that 40 grand left. You know why? Because we bought the most comfortable mattress and bed with it and still had enough money remaining to take a trip to Dharamsala and back. And I will get to sleep on that comfy bed each day including the night of the wedding, obviously after having washed off that gold dust from my face. Yes that is marriage!

There I have my answer:

Marriage > Wedding

#1 The wedding lehenga

Bad pictures are epic!

So there is a wedding budget and then there is a wedding lehenga budget. We are Punjabi brides, we don't wear a saree on our wedding day. HOW DARE YOU?
I was asked to keep a lac and above separately only for the wedding lehenga. Or like they say for a North Indian bride, your wedding dress can be any colour as long it is red.

"How can you not spend (waste) a meagre 50k on the wedding lehenga?"
"What kind of a girl are you if you don't shell out an outrageous amount for your wedding dress?"
"No red or maroon lehenga????? Chheeee blasphemous! How can you even live with yourself?"

There were these few remarks and then there were saleswomen who would ask me to leave their store because I hadn't chosen a RED LEHENGA for MY own wedding!

True story:
Me: "Ye sab jewellery mein to maroon stones hain, can I have some other colour?"
Saleswomen: "Arrey red ke alawa aur kya hoga? Aapka lehenga bhi to red hain na."
Me: "Nahi actually, it is pink and ..."
Saleswoman: *shuts all jewellery boxes and turns away like I never existed*
Me: Forgive me lord for I have sinned!

Daughters, Women and Anger

"Nurse: Mubarak ho, aapki bahu ki ladki hui hai!

Mother-in-law: Oh! Pakka? Chalo koi baat nahi. Agli baar hee sahi!"

"Rapist: Galti uski thi, usne jeans pehen rakhi thi, mujhse khud ko roka nahi gaya.

Judge: He is right! What was she doing on the road at 7.30 pm anyways? She must be a whore!"

"Scriptwriter: Sir, is jagah gaane ki zarurat nahi hai, yeh out of story ho jayega.

Producer: Bina item song ke aaj kal, public ko majja nahi aata. Jab tak screen pe jhatke na dikhein, koi nahi dekhne aayega film."

Yes, yes! I hear it every day, everywhere. I switch on the television, pick up the newspaper, surf the net, I see it, I know it. This was never a woman's country and it still isn't. Hating to admit I am terrified of the society and the deteriorating psyche of the people. I take my writer's liberty here to make it a rant blog but all the while ensuring that each and every word I write stands for nothing but the truth.

Even after being born in a liberal, educated family where they welcomed the birth of a girl child, gave us endless love and encouragement in life to achieve whatever we wanted to, there have always been times where my mother (of 2 daughters) was never spared the trouble of being taunted and questioned. From the postman to her own siblings and relatives, everyone made sure to let it be known to her that she is, in fact, an inferior mortal to have had borne "TWO DAUGHTERS & NOT EVEN ONE SON?" I used to laugh at those people when I was younger without understanding why they asked such funny questions. It is only after growing up I began to understand the discrimination and prejudices that were served left, right and centre to a family of only daughters. After all we are just "bojh and paraya dhan" for our parents. No LOLs!

Hailing from a science background, I know it isn't neither a female's fault nor is it in her biology to even decide/determine/choose the gender of the baby she might birth. But let's keep the technicalities aside. We all must have heard this before plenty of times, but those who were born with the anti-woman mindset, well they would continue drowning little baby girls in milk or the holy river.

Now whichever high pedestal sitting defender of the law of an idiot warned women to not wear "provocative clothes", should pay heed to this point. Just like any other working girl in the city, I end up wearing clothes covering me from head to toe (thanks to the Delhi heat, protection of hair and skin is mandatory). I step out of the house with my nerdy glasses, full sleeved loose kurtas, baggy jeans, covered feet and a massive tent like head scarf sans make up. I do not commute alone post 8 pm no matter whatever the circumstances be. So please to tell Sir McShitbrains, why am I still subjected to constant eve-teasing/stares/lewd remarks on the road at 11 in the morning on a busy street?

For obvious reasons you will put it on me somehow on me and my dressing sense or with the same ease with which you brand every female in the city as a "prostitute", you may just tag me as just one of "them".   

A country of urban foeticide and female infanticides, our dear media has left no stone unturned in objectifying women either. And thanks to the latest "role models" like Poonam Pandey and Sherlyn "Shocking" Chopra, it is just all the more spectacular that the media and masses have accepted them as future inspirations for girls of this country. They are branded as "empowered women". How can I thank you more? For teaching us rape-infested society that all you need to become successful is to strip down to your birthday suit and behold!

Now I may be bordering on being orthodox but I am also paranoid. Paranoid as a woman, paranoid as a daughter, paranoid as a female employee, paranoid as an aunt, paranoid as a future wife and mother. In this country, in these times, on this day I rant and then I go quiet! 

But it will not stop here. It shouldn't stop today. The voice and the pride that I enjoy to be where and what I am will not be silenced after one angry blog. 

Oh also, a very Happy Daughter's Day on a Sunday!

Because I am proud of me and my amazing little sister!