Suicide

An abrupt decision
Painful illusion
Disrupted all her plans
Punctured ego
Nightmarish moment
She never could understand!

What happened?
She asked herself
Her guts revolted
The thought froze her
As it crept in
Then all went blank!

The night more evil
The cliff like death
The wind bore her
Astute as it seemed
It all had withered
Laid wasted on the land!

In the quick moment
She saw it all
The life that had gone bad
But never had she imagined
In the worst of times
Content never could be had!

Dark it was
But clear she saw
The blood, Her blood
Murky it seemed
After the thud
The mistake was rash!

The mist shrouded her
It was no glory
No quiet, no gain
Nothing she thought
It brought
Was shame and more pain!

Undo my death
She could only wince
Undo my loss
In seconds she knew
Kill she made of herself
And a bitter surrender!

Did i mispel it?

Siting in a corrner
Of a chaotec ofice
Typeing away to etarnity
Ammending pety speling erors
Corecting inacurate gramar
Expennding my vocabulery
Checkking minescule puctuations
Prroof reeding sesions
Duing a thankles job
Of shouttings and fihgts
Of unstopable comotion
Dirtty politcs consumming eaech alive
Presures only add to the misry
Fricshions and its repercushions
All are a parrt of the parcell
That they call advartising
In my opiniun is Madvartising
The mosst cladestine beings
Of this ecentric contraption
Are us the copyriters
Ooops did I mispel it?

ciao!

Jumped off my ship

Kicked away my life boat

Tore away the life jacket

Now drowning going deeper

Deep, deep down

Lost myself completely

Brooding over yesterday

The misery surrounds me

Holds me tight and takes me with it

Deep, deep down

Arrogance wins modesty loses

Powerful lives weak dies

The way the world turns

Yet it still stings

Deep, deep down

Losing it all with both hands

Crushing all the hopes

No fear no perception

Just letting myself fall

Deep, deep down

Hope and happiness

Goaded by own intentions

Unhappy with my introspection

But the hope still flickers inside

The one with whom now I abide



I will survive after all

I won’t be the cause of my fall

Clinging too tight to tomorrow

Dreading anymore sorrow



One little thing, a genuine smile

Kept eluding me all this while

But happy is what I will be

My moment will come to me



A complex cycle of joy and tears

Our treasured innocence it cuts and shears

My existence does have some implication

As there is no reason for this humiliation



In eternity we seek satisfaction

Searching answers in this cosmic contraption

Even in distress we never cease

To look for the curve that straightens every crease



But why should I not defy the unjust

Why should I lay battered and bust

For I deserve a right to rejoice

As happiness is such a simple choice

Suicide

An abrupt decision

Painful illusion

Disrupted all her plans

Punctured ego

Nightmarish moment

She never could understand!



What happened?

She asked herself

Her guts revolted

The thought froze her

As it creeped in

Then all went blank!



The night more evil

The cliff like death

The wind bore her

Astute as it seemed

It all had withered

Laid wasted on the land!



In the quick moment

She saw it all

The life that had gone bad

But never had she imagined

In the worst of times

Content never could be had!



Dark it was

But clear she saw

The blood, Her blood

Murky it seemed

After the thud

The mistake was rash!



The mist shrouded her

It was no glory

No quiet, no gain

Nothing she thought

It brought

Was shame and more pain!



Undo my death

She could only wince

Undo my loss

In seconds she knew

Kill she made of herself

And a bitter surrender!

Marriage- the ultimate resort or an obsolete notion??

I was wondering today where do we stand as a society, have we really progressed in terms of culture and lifestyles? People say we do!! I want to know are we really free to do what we really want to do? I m certain we are! But who decides what is right or wrong? Family, friends, colleagues or us? Why I ask marriage is such a big deal even today? It certainly is for the spending party i.e. the girl n her helpless parents whereas the opposite party gets an all expenses paid trip to the land of free gifts, extravagant feasts, fun and frolic yet they have all the rights and guts to grumble about that Gulaabjamun that didn’t taste so good in the wedding.

As a female I want to ask why do I have to get married before turning 25? I m not talking about a small town conservative family setup, I mean living in the capital of the country in a family which claims it is as modern as renaissance in the 16^th century, who are spending lakhs on my education after school, are ready to shell out even more for my MBAs and various professional diplomas. I m talking about the mall-culture family. Why is it when I turn 24, they start getting uncomfortable with the sight of me earning a 6-figured salary and leading a financially independent and a professionally respected life? Why do they want my money should go into the pockets of my in-laws? I have no complaints with what I have, its payback time for me, pay my family back everything they have given to me since the moment of my existence. Monetarily, emotionally I want to take care of them now without them worrying about monthly bills. Why do they start getting uneasy when my 25^th birthday year begins? They start asking all our relatives to suggest a “good boy” for me, go through matrimony websites that is only if they are that tech-savvy and secretly print ads in the matrimony section of the classifieds.

Alliance for beautiful, slim, fair girl working in MNC earning in 6 figures. Boy should be good-looking, well spoken and from an affluent background. Suitable candidates may contact……

They start spending sleepless nights over thinking about my marriage. If I have a boyfriend they start bugging him too asking him all sorts of questions regarding his career, his family, his future plans, his ideologies which were never asked in our courtship of 4 years and god save me if he is my age or younger. I still am talking about the same ultramodern mall hopping family. He would be considered immature and ineligible someone unworthy of me. Well how does that matter now when we have been in love for years and they been updated with his every step already? Well that’s not my point here. I mean I maybe on the threshold of a promotion or a transfer to the office abroad with a raise but I still would be questioningly eyed around because I m almost 25 and not engaged. People start making indirect digs at me between their conversations over a cup of tea at get-togethers or family parties like their obedient daughters are well settled with “respectable” lawyers and CEOs in Canada. Whats up with me? What am I doing without a fiancée? I ask everyone why do I need to get married after studying so hard and working even harder for a career that I am proud of and a life I love? I don’t see a point in getting married to please the society. It’s my choice whether I want to marry at 21 or 35 or don’t even want to marry at all. Why do people bother themselves with such a futile task of suggesting suitable matches for me and keep questioning my single happy life? Why do my parents even listen to those good-for-nothing relatives? Why do they taunt me around with the fact that I am the only one who is not married yet all my female friends are and even some of my guy friends too. Is there some kind of an outrageous contest being held like “The one who gets hitched first wins?” although it would be interesting if that happens. God forbid I mean GOD FORBID if I am not married till I am 27, people will call us everyday for a seemingly normal, routine chat with my mother and eventually would come to the exact motive of their call, ‘my sister’s brother-in-law’s neighbor’s uncle’ brother’s son is working as a computer engineer in the US, maybe you people should talk to them for your daughter’. ‘He is perfect for her, he is a 35 average looking man earning well and settled in the US’ Duh!! Then they would be after my life that I should finally decide on one guy and soon or else there will be no man left on this planet who will be ready to take me as his wife.

I totally agree with Rani Mukherjee in Hum Tum when she asks everyone to back off from fixing her up with strangers “Why don’t people take a hike from getting every girl married?” Is that the only thing a girl is born to do? A very relevant question indeed. I haven’t been vindicating all this while that people should change overnight because a handful of girls have questioned their ethos by being very vocal about their preferences in life. But all I want from this society is that it should stop interfering and judging my life and respect the notion of individuality and personal choice after all I never advised to have or not have their second baby or their third car to anybody.

Marriage clearly should and will happen only when I am ready for it in all respects and not because I blew 24 candles on the cake this year till then I am content dancing at other people’s nuptial ceremonies.